


Flight

by sufferingsoprano



Category: Sweeney Todd (2007), Sweeney Todd (2007) RPF, Sweeney Todd - Sondheim/Wheeler
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexual Relationship, Asexuality, Canon Era, F/M, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Internalized Homophobia, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Panic Attacks, Past Rape/Non-con, Period-Typical Homophobia, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Queer Character, Rape Recovery, Recovery, Romance, Self-Esteem Issues, Trauma, healing together, supportive
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:27:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23399947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sufferingsoprano/pseuds/sufferingsoprano
Summary: after years of locked rooms,blinds and shutters...Johanna finally gets to experience what is is to be free.hand in hand with the gentle sailor boy,Johanna is able to take flight.--a series of drabbles surrounding the lives of Johanna & Antony from Sweeney Todd(main paring: Johanna x Antony)
Relationships: Johanna Barker & Anthony Hope, Johanna Barker/Anthony Hope
Comments: 1
Kudos: 14





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I do want to preface this by reminding any readers that “Sweeney Todd” is a considerably dark source material,  
> so themes pertaining to murder, rape, pedophilia, abuse, mental illness, and poorly run asylums/mistreatment of mentally ill people, will be mentioned.
> 
> this specific chapter details a panic attack that contains hallucinations and memories of trauma, so I just wanted to point that out.  
> but all of these drabbles are hopeful in nature, as though both main characters suffer from mental illness and trauma, they are supporting each other, and doing their best to heal with what little resources they have.

her head spiraled,  
as she fell and fell and fell and fell...  
again and again and again...

without fail, and without end she heard the beggar woman's haunting lullaby.

she saw the judge's pervasive eyes, as he loomed over her with a certain element of force.

she heard the screams of madmen, as they danced and screeched about her within that horrid institution she'd spent months rotting within.

she could feel Mr. Foq's harsh hands around her wrists as he dragged her about, allowing her body to grow bruised and brittle as she fought against his touch.

she saw Sweeney Todd, holding a razor to her throat,  
blowing the air of death directly down her throat.

and oh how she heard their screams of pain...  
the shrill shrieks of the old woman,  
the furious shouts of her former captive,  
mr. foq as he collapsed to his knees, blood spewing from his chest.

and she saw the boy...  
Toby, was his name?  
she saw him amongst the bodies,  
bloodied and broken, sobbing amongst the wreckage.

she wished to help him,  
to shield him from the horrors...  
the bodies,  
the blood...

but she could see in his eyes that he was in far too deep to ever be saved...  
same as her.

covering her ears with her hands,  
she shrieked for an end to the voices,  
an end to the crying,  
and end to the feeling of the other mental patients pulling at her hair...

she found it difficult to breathe,  
as she violently shook in repulsion.

her screams growing in their magnitude and devastation, as she gasped for air in between each of her cries.

she tried to run,  
she tried to bury herself within herself...  
but no matter where she went,  
they followed closely behind,

and the birds...  
where had they come from?  
where did they go?

they came about spastically,  
disappearing as soon they appeared...  
screeching alongside her,  
frantically flying about her,  
seemingly sharing her torment and suffering...

"green finch and linnet bird...."

she called, her voice breaking.

"how- why? why do you sing?"  
the desperation in her voice increasing by the second.

"tell me...why? why is it your sing?"

she flailed her arms about,  
begging for the birds to show her how to fly away from the voices and the echoes of the deceased and damaged...

but no help came,  
as she shook her head in a frenzy,  
her entire body quivering as she cried out for help,  
her face soaked in sweat and tears,  
as she tried to keep herself on her feet...

"green finch....linnet bird...teach me... please, teach me how to fly..."  
she managed to choke out,  
her legs crumbling beneath her.

she braced herself for contact with the hard wooden floor beneath her, wincing in advance.  
but felt no such thing, as her fall was caught by a pair of strong arms.

"Johanna!"  
the voice chirped, bringing her closer.

she screeched in protest, her arms moving wildly.

"Antony! Antony, help!"  
she wailed, as she felt as though the arms around her were only pulling her closer toward hell.

"shhhh...it's me. it's Antony....you're ok."  
the voice cooed, the figure running his hand down her cheek softly.

"I'm here."  
he said firmly, wrapping his arms around her.

collapsing into his touch, she cried into his chest,  
sinking into his arms.

"it's ok...you're ok."

he ran his fingers through her hair,  
pushing away from her always as he did so.

"it's ok...I'm here."  
he repeated, this time softer then before, pressing his nose to her cheek.

and with care, he scooped her up, protectively hugging her close to his chest.

"I'm here....shhh, it's ok."

walking toward their shared bedroom, he rocked her back and forth, making sure to make no sudden movements as to nor further frighten Johanna.

finally, he placed her beside him in the bed, to which he promptly climbed in beside her, offering himself as a pillow to the shaking girl sat beside him.

he opened his arms, quirking his lip up into a warm smile, to which Johanna fell back into, clinging to him for dear life.  
he returned her hug, his arms tightly knit about her.

he kissed her cheek tenderly,  
her nose buried in the crook of his neck.

"I'm here love. I'm here."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> after years of locked rooms,  
> blinds and shutters...  
> Johanna finally gets to experience what is is to be free.  
> hand in hand with the gentle sailor boy,  
> Johanna is able to take flight.  
> \--  
> a series of drabbles surrounding the lives of Johanna & Antony from Sweeney Todd  
> (main paring: Johanna x Antony)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do want to preface this by reminding any readers that “Sweeney Todd” is a considerably dark source material,  
> so themes pertaining to murder, rape, pedophilia, abuse, mental illness, and poorly run asylums/mistreatment of mentally ill people, will be mentioned.
> 
> but this specific chapter is much more light, and barely delves into the specifics of any trauma, and is rather up lifting and hopeful!

he stood in the doorway,  
watching her from afar.

she absentmindedly pressed her fingers to the glass, as she peered out the window of their newly acquired home, her golden locks illuminated by the sun's light.

he couldn't help but smile as he watched her peer upon the outside world with wonder.

his stomach seemed to tie itself in knots, as he thought of the horribly sheltered, and dim life she'd been forced to live for so long.  
just the thought of the god awful Judge Turpin could send him reeling.  
thoughts of the asylum, with it's eerily creeky floor boards, and it's dusted walls flooded his mind.

Antony rubbed his temples, breathing in deeply.  
the tenseness in his body gradually faded as he thought of how Johanna would never feel trapped like that ever again.

for he would provide her with a home,  
a place to find safety and comfort.  
but the doors were never closed,  
as he wished for her to move and act freely.

for he'd always be willing to offer her a place in his home....or what was to become their home.  
but if she wished to find herself somewhere else, he vowed to help her along her journey,  
and whether that be standing beside her side, or having to give her the space to truly look inside herself, he would happily.

Johanna hummed softly as she opened the window, allowing for the fresh scent of the outdoors to fill the abode.

the tune was awfully familiar, as Antony could recall her singing that endearing melody all those months ago.

Antony took a step forward, joining her in her humming, as he meekly added a gentle harmony to accompany her tune.

startled, at first, Johanna jumped,  
but when turning to see him,  
her face relaxed into a face of content,  
as she beckoned him further,  
the two of them still humming in sync.

taking her hand,  
he gave it a warm squeeze,  
as he moved to stand beside her.

together, whilst peering out the window,  
Antony interlocked their fingers,  
as if to once again solidify that he was there for her, and always would be.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> after years of locked rooms,  
> blinds and shutters...  
> Johanna finally gets to experience what is is to be free.  
> hand in hand with the gentle sailor boy,  
> Johanna is able to take flight.  
> \--  
> a series of drabbles surrounding the lives of Johanna & Antony from Sweeney Todd   
> (main paring: Johanna x Antony)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do want to preface this by reminding any readers that “Sweeney Todd” is a considerably dark source material,  
> so themes pertaining to murder, rape, pedophilia, abuse, mental illness, and poorly run asylums/mistreatment of mentally ill people, will be mentioned.
> 
> but this chapter is rather light in nature, with recovery from a nightmare being discussed. the contents of the nightmare are not delved into, and once again, the chapter is rather hopeful, and shows the healthiness and supportiveness of their relationship as they heal!

muffled cries resounded in her ears,  
leading her to abruptly sit up in bed.

her hand found its way to her temple,  
as she tried to bring herself back to reality.

she was no longer in that asylum,  
she was no longer in the judge's house,  
she was no longer in Mr Todd's parlor...

she was safe.  
she was home.  
she was with Antony.

with that, she looked to the body beside her,  
startled to see that he was the source of the cries.

for a minute she just sat there,  
a stunned silence upon her. 

she had been so sure that it had all been in her head,  
as night terrors weren't an uncommon occurrence for her.

but for once, the distant calls for help she was often tormented by weren't false in the slightest,  
and in fact were coming from the person who'd often reassure her of her own safety.

realizing that her inaction was doing nothing to help,  
she tentatively reached out her hand, as to touch the shaking man.

"Antony?"  
she whispered, nudging him.

he let out a murmur of fear, rolling over.  
to which Johanna responded by shaking him with more force.

"Antony...wake up!"

raising her voice,  
and putting more force into her movement,  
she tried to bring him back to his senses.

"Antony? Antony, can you hear me?"   
she called out, with a hint of desperation.

She shook him,  
this time with increased violence,  
as scenarios of him ceasing to wake plagued her brain, sending her into a fearful frenzy.

and with a jolt,  
his eyes shot open,  
a gasp escaping his lips.

"Antony!"  
she exclaimed, completely out of breath,  
as she backed away from him.

he shakily sat up, giving Johanna a weak nod of thanks.

"I'm...I'm really sorry about that."  
he said ever so softly.

"I-I get nightmares too- maybe, maybe not as frequently as you...and definitely not the same as yours...but...I didn't mean to scare you...I..."

he went on and on,  
clearly embarrassed,  
and overly apologetic,  
as he did not wish to seem weak to Johanna,  
for he wanted her to feel safe and protected with him, and he knew for a fact that laying beside a quivering protector must've been nothing but unsettling. 

there was shame in his eyes as he tried to dismiss what had just occurred.

slowly moving closer,  
Johanna brought her hand to his,  
taking his in her own.

shushing him, she moved in closer,  
to which he leaned in so their noses were pressed against one another.

the two simply sat like that,   
as the feeling of her breath against his skin gave Antony a sense of peace.

"I'm here."  
she whispered,  
borrowing a line that he often used to bring her back to reality.

he sighed at that,   
opening his eyes as to gaze back at her own.

"kiss me?"  
she asked, her voice barely audible.

he nodded, leading their noses to bump against each other, to which they both smiled.

leaning in, she placed a gentle, chaste kiss against antony's lips.

it was nothing provocative,  
no fiery passion,  
but simply a reminder that she cared a whole awful lot, and that she thought no less of him after witnessing him in a weak moment.

after she slowly pulled away, Antony could not wipe the tender smile that remained stuck to his face.

Johanna brought her hand to his cheek, cupping his face in her hand as she placed a second kiss to his forehead.

leading him back downward, so they could lay back down, she opened her arms to him.

he found himself curled up against her,  
resting his head on her chest as she held him.

though it was often the other way around,  
with Antony holding her,  
Johanna was happy to give Antony the same comfort he so often bestowed upon her.

she ran her fingers through his hair,  
placing a final kiss on his forehead.

as he snuggled closer to her,  
he sighed once again, but this time against the warmth of his partner.

"thank you."


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> after years of locked rooms,  
> blinds and shutters...  
> Johanna finally gets to experience what is is to be free.  
> hand in hand with the gentle sailor boy,  
> Johanna is able to take flight.  
> \--  
> a series of drabbles surrounding the lives of Johanna & Antony from Sweeney Todd   
> (main paring: Johanna x Antony)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do want to preface this by reminding any readers that “Sweeney Todd” is a considerably dark source material,  
> so themes pertaining to murder, rape, pedophilia, abuse, mental illness, and poorly run asylums/mistreatment of mentally ill people, will be mentioned.
> 
> This specific chapter delves into confused feelings toward an abuser, as though Johanna had hatred for the judge after all he’d done to her, she still cares for him, and can’t help but mourn his death. But once again, the chapter is hopeful in that her and Anthony help each other with no judgement.

"I loved him you know..."

Johanna's voice was barely above a whisper.  
Her voice quivered, as she averted her eyes from Antony's.

"He... he is the only father I've ever known."

She stared down at the grave of the man whom she despised with every bone in her body,  
yet whom she would always hold some affection for, despite all he had done to her.

Antony nodded with understanding, moving as to stand beside her.  
He remained silent, only lending his presence to her, as to give her the benefit of the doubt that he was willing to listen to whatever she wished to tell him.

"I know... I know he was a bad man.   
I'll never forget the horrors of that god forsaken asylum....all because of him... and I'll never know my real mother, nor my real father, all to do with him... but, still...."

a lone tear skated down her cheek, as she held her breathe.

"still...I love him anyhow."

with the judge, life had not always been bad.

he had braided her hair when she was far too clumsy to do so,  
allowing her to dance about her room without her long, blonde, locks blocking her sight.

he'd bought her her very first doll, and had proceeded to purchase more for her over the years, even occasionally sitting to watch her play with her so called "friends", and even offering some commentary on the stories she'd create.

she remembered evening walks in the summer,  
and morning walks in the winters.

there had been a time before he'd seen her as wife material, before he'd ever developed such lust for her... and she missed those days greatly.

she missed the days when he'd smile down at her with pride and adoration, in a way that made her feel anything but uncomfortable and fearful. 

"it wasn't all so bad....  
there was some good in him, and I know that for a fact... because I saw it with my own eyes."

she bit her lip, trying to prevent further tear shed.

"I can't help but miss him."

and with that the two stood in silence,  
as Johanna shut her eyes tightly,  
a lone tear rolling down her face.

Antony said nothing,   
for he wasn't sure what he could possibly say in response to that.

so instead of offering her words of comfort,  
he simply touched his fingers to her,  
as to assure her of his presence.

reluctantly, she allowed him to hold her hand,  
to which he promptly held her violently shaking hands tightly, lacing their fingers together.

with that, she began to calm down,   
squeezing his hand in return.

a small smile came to her lips as she remained staring at the ground,   
relieved to know that she had someone in her corner,  
someone who would stand by her,  
someone who would listen to and respect her,  
even though he may not ever be able to understand the horrors and trauma she was forced to deal with each and every day,  
he would be there.

with intwined fingers,  
Johanna was able to feel some sense of warmth despite the bitter cold of London.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> after years of locked rooms,  
> blinds and shutters...  
> Johanna finally gets to experience what is is to be free.  
> hand in hand with the gentle sailor boy,  
> Johanna is able to take flight.  
> \--  
> a series of drabbles surrounding the lives of Johanna & Antony from Sweeney Todd   
> (main paring: Johanna x Antony)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do want to preface this by reminding any readers that “Sweeney Todd” is a considerably dark source material,  
> so themes pertaining to murder, rape, pedophilia, abuse, mental illness, and poorly run asylums/mistreatment of mentally ill people, will be mentioned.
> 
> This chapter delves into Anthony’s sexuality, as he essentially admits to Johanna that he is queer, and delves into his experiences with internalized homophobia and external homophobia. It also hints at his experiences as a rape victim, and delves into some of the sources of his mental trauma. But the chapter still ends hopeful, with their support for one another being showcased.

"it's been about 10 years..."  
he recounted, looking out toward the sea.

"I doubt they'd even recognize me."  
he shook his head, and looked back at Johanna, who was seated beside him at the window.

"why don't you visit them?"  
she asked pensively, her eyes questioning.

Antony shook his head once again, biting his lip.

Johanna, who'd always longed to know her mother, and now wished so desperately for a chance to turn back time and fall into the arms of her real parents,  
could not understand Antony's choice to live a life away from his family.  
for if they were still in reach, why didn't he embrace them?

"They don't want to see me..."  
he said, unable to hold eye contact with Johanna.

"They kicked me out."

Johanna sat in stunned silence, unsure of how best to respond to such an admittance.

Antony was the kindest soul she'd ever met,  
he was gentle, and thoughtful in his words,  
respectful and friendly in his actions,  
and was more patient than she'd ever thought humanly possible.

she had no idea how such a sweet soul could be turned away by his own blood.

Antony stared out the window,  
a misty look in his eyes as he thought of his mother and father, along with his little sister.

he thought often of his sister,  
only hoping for the best,  
as he prayed that she was able to find joy somewhere in life, hopefully far out of their parent's reach.

his thoughts toward his parents were murky,  
as he felt so much resentment,  
yet he could not pretend that he did not long for a second chance with them.

he laughed to himself at such a notion,  
for there would be no second chances.

he'd most likely never cross paths with them ever again, and though that brought a certain weariness to him, strangely enough it also brought him some comfort,   
knowing he'd never again here their yells,  
or witness the disappointment and hatred in their eyes when they looked him over.

he shuddered at the thought of having to look them in the eyes once again.

Johanna scooted closer,  
her eyes gentler than before.

sighing, Antony opened his mouth to continue.

"I was maybe 14 years old...15?"  
he began, still staring out toward the horizon.

"and-and they caught me with someone."

Johanna put a hand on his shaking shoulder,  
offering a silent source of support.

"with who?"   
she asked quietly, giving him a gentle squeeze.

Antony held his breath,  
remembering unsure lips pressed to his own,  
fingers brushing against his jaw nervously,  
an odd warmth coming over his body,  
another's skin against his bare chest...

"my friend...my best friend."

he could feel lips upon the crook of his neck,  
whispers in the dark...  
nervous giggles...

"William."

Johanna's grasp on his shoulder loosened,  
as she registered what he'd said.

"he...  
I...I loved him..."

he squeezed his eyes shut, still facing away from Johanna, thinking of the tender moments that he'd shared with the other boy.

both of them had been so frightened of all the feelings and urges and longings...  
both of them so frightened of who they were.

yet it had felt so much less scary when his friend had pressed their lips together,   
the two of them speaking their silent sins aloud,  
allowing their feelings to run loose.

he remembered cupping William's face in his own hands, running his thumb down the other boy's cheek.

"When...when they saw me with another boy...they-they were very angry..."

he remembered the perfect moment ending in an instant,  
the opening of the door,  
the outraged shouts,  
the whip against his skin,  
a fist to his face...

he remembered William crying,   
as he helplessly watched Antony be beaten.  
for there was nothing he could do but run.

Antony never saw him again...  
he never even came to say goodbye.

He could still remember the damning crack of the whip, and the sting it had left upon his back.

he remembered the blood, and the bruises...  
he remembered being told over and over again that he was disgusting...   
that he was a filthy sinner...  
that he was a disgrace to the family...  
that he was satanic...  
that he was nothing but a foolish freak...

"how disgusting...they had a son who liked other boys..."   
he mused, opening his eyes to resume staring off into the distance.

"they sent me away...  
sold me into servitude upon a ship."

he could remember packing his bags,  
his face drenched in tears,  
as he prepared to leave the only home he'd ever known.

"They couldn't bear to house a child like me..."

his eyes stung as he said that,  
feeling that same self loathing that he'd grown so accustomed to upon the ship,  
wondering why he had to of been born in such a way,  
furious at himself for feeling such feelings,

and life as a servant upon the seas did nothing to soothe his pain,  
as over the course of those long, dreary years he'd faced far worse then just beatings from his superiors.

even after buying his freedom he'd still felt so small...and so lost.  
and ever so alone.

he remembered feeling dirty,  
feeling as though he had no right to be alive.

and sometimes,  
those feelings came back.  
hitting him like a truck,  
as he was reminded that there was something wrong about him,  
something he'd never be able to fix,  
therefore something he'd have to live with.

caught up within his own mind, he had practically forgotten about Johanna's presence.

but amidst his tears,  
he felt arms wrap around him,  
as Johanna proceeded to envelop him in a hug.

he was stunned at first,  
not understanding her choice to embrace him after hearing of his sin.

but nonetheless, he allowed himself to settle into her arms.

a comfortable silence filled the room, as all that could be heard was the pitter patter of light rain against the window sill. 

Johanna finally broke the silence.

"you're not disgusting."

she spoke with such firmness that Antony felt compelled to agree.

"thank you for telling me."  
she added softly.

she ran her hand through his hair carefully.

"do you...do you still?"  
she nervously glanced at him, not fully knowing what to expect.

Antony nodded,   
a sense of shame overcoming him.

"yes...I-I do like men"

it was true after all.  
he'd always been attracted to other boys from a young age,   
and he wasn't about to lie to Johann's face.  
not after being so open,  
for she deserved the truth,  
and the whole truth.

She nodded, going silent as she did not know what to make of his words

"But...I do...I do love you."  
Antony added, realizing what Johanna may of just gathered from his confession.

"I never...  
I never knew that I could love a woman...  
I thought it was only men...but..."  
he tried to explain, tripping over his words as tried to get Johanna to understand how he felt.

"but then...  
I met you and I felt something...  
the same thing I felt as when I was silly teenager... with William..."  
a soft smile came to his lips as he continued.

"and...and I care about you...a lot...  
and want to stay with you...  
if you'll have me."  
he finished carefully.

he did care for Johanna,  
very deeply at that,  
as from the moment he'd saw her, he had felt an odd tinge in his chest,  
an ache to go to her and hold her hand,  
for he had wanted to learn more about her,  
earn her trust.

what drew him to her was that though their was so much brokenness in her eyes, there was still beauty and hope buried within them.  
he wanted to help her out of whatever sadness she had dealt with,   
and bring out that joy in her smile,  
and feel the satisfaction of watching her face slowly light up.

and with each moment they spent together,  
he felt more and more connected to her,  
in a way he'd never imagined he'd get to feel with anyone.

he knew that he liked men,  
and nothing could ever change that.

but along his journey,  
he'd developed such feelings for Johanna,  
and had come to accept that perhaps it was possible to be a little more flexible with love.

he didn't quite understand it,  
for he couldn't particularly see himself being attracted to any other woman.

but...  
with Johanna,   
it was different.

it felt right.  
it felt as it was with William.

natural, grounding...  
and even exciting,  
perhaps even scary.

whatever the case,  
he did not pretend to understand his own feelings.  
all he could do was be honest about them.

and as their eyes met once again,  
he felt his shame fade a little.

he knew that he may never truly be able to accept himself for who he was,  
for after so many years of being told off for his preferences, he didn't think it was possible to ever regain that confidence and security.

but,  
he knew that he could try and be happy.

and as Johanna leaned forward,   
kissing the corner of his lip before tentatively pulling away, he knew that he was on the right path.

with their faces still inches apart,  
Johanna spoke quietly.

"there's nothing wrong with you...  
I think who you are is beautiful,  
whether you like men or women,  
or both or neither..."

she moved in placing a soft kiss on his nose.

"I think you are exactly who you need to be."

Antony smiled at that,  
warmth enveloping him as she rested her head on his shoulder.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> after years of locked rooms,  
> blinds and shutters...  
> Johanna finally gets to experience what is is to be free.  
> hand in hand with the gentle sailor boy,  
> Johanna is able to take flight.  
> \--  
> a series of drabbles surrounding the lives of Johanna & Antony from Sweeney Todd  
> (main paring: Johanna x Antony)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do want to preface this by reminding any readers that “Sweeney Todd” is a considerably dark source material,  
> so themes pertaining to murder, rape, pedophilia, abuse, mental illness, and poorly run asylums/mistreatment of mentally ill people, will be mentioned.
> 
> This specific chapter deals with johanna’s memories of being raped, though it is in no way graphic, it is quite evident that she is remembering being raped, and it should also be noted that she is a minor (most likely around the age of 16-17 during the events of the musical, when she would’ve been raped), so just a warning.  
> but the end emphasizes how her and Anthony are on the recovery path together, and is hopeful in nature.

the ship rocked back and forth in an almost methodical way.  
Johanna seemed to fixate on it, as she breathed in the salty sea air.

despite being below deck,  
she could still feel the cool ocean breeze against her skin.

it was oddly soothing,  
as it was somewhat of a reminder that she was soon to be far away from London,  
and that she would never have to return to the room she'd been trapped in for almost all of her life.

no more bars,  
no more shutters,  
no more locks,  
and stolen keys...

she'd soon be miles and miles away from the place where she'd stared death directly in the eyes,  
where she'd felt the lowest of lows.

she'd never again walk the dreary corridors of Fogg's asylum, where the hisses and gurgles of lunatics had plagued her existence.  
she'd never feel their fingers tugging at her skin,  
their breath in her ear,  
as they screeched about her shaking form.

she'd never have to feel the pressure of Fogg's body, pushing her against his desk with no restraint.

sometimes he would come into the cell area to retrieve her.  
tugging at her hair, as he pulled her into his office.

she remembered silent tears,  
as from the moment she'd seen the glint in his eyes, she'd known exactly what he wanted from her.

the way his lips quirked as he looked her up and down was frighteningly reminiscent of the way that judge would glance at her.

Johanna once again tried to fixate on the ship's creakiness, as she tried to block out the memories of what went on in that cramped little office room.

she had never fought back,  
not when it could've only made everything worse.  
for her life was in his hands,  
and any sign of rebellion would be met with unforgiving punishment.

so she had chosen to shut her eyes tightly,  
trying to disassociate from herself,  
as she allowed the cold, sinister man to do with her as he pleased.

she never thought to tell Antony about it,  
for she was afraid that he'd leave her if he knew.

from childhood, the judge had taught her of the virtues of women,  
and how her purity should be guarded from wicked men.

but after the asylum,  
her purity was crumbled in the ashes of her sanity.

it made her feel sick just thinking about it,  
as she was ruined,  
marked and tainted with the devil's signature.

why would Antony ever wish to marry such a pathetic excuse of a human?  
for she'd simply gritted her teeth and bore the horrors that had been done to her...

so she would keep her mouth shut.  
though she felt guilt for keeping such information from her partner, she could not bear to loose him after all they'd been through.

so she wouldn't tell a soul.  
for she'd simply have to wake up every morning remembering...  
remembering that she was forever stained by the actions an unruly monster had taken upon her.

but bringing herself back to her senses,  
she tried to center herself upon where she was at that moment,  
and where she would be going.

far, far away...  
far from the little world of London.

and onto a world more greater,  
one filled with light.

Antony stirred beside her in their shared sleeping space aboard the ship.

rolling over to face him, she pressed her forehead against his.  
with his eyes still closed, Antony hummed lightly, bringing his lips to the top of her nose, as he gave her a soft kiss.

"all will be alright my love."

she smiled at his reassuring words.

"I'm here...for you."

and as he brought his arm to pull her in closer,  
Johanna couldn't help but sigh, as she cuddled into his gentle hold.

perhaps one day she would tell him of her trauma,  
perhaps one day the two of them could heal openly...

"I'm here."

she smiled into his chest,  
knowing that in Antony's arms,  
she was home.

she would be safe.

and perhaps...  
she'd finally get to find the joy in life.


End file.
